tracypoizner

Tina Turner Had It Right

What’s Love Got To Do With It? Anyone in a stepmom position with their partner’s children is not required to love those kids. You didn’t date them, and you didn’t fall in love with them. You didn’t make your life plans based on your feelings for them. It’s almost like having to pick a fewContinue reading “Tina Turner Had It Right”

109. The Magical Apology

An magical apology liberates a torrent of power from your unconscious shadow states and it opens a doorway to healthy bonding with a child who is being trained to pull away from you.

108. This is the end of Parental Alienation.

Summary Legacy Mastermind is exclusively for divorced dads who feel helpless against the power of ongoing high-conflict that’s drawing their children away from them. In this program they will be coded to strike the tone of fatherhood and develop the magnetic quality that will draw their kids into their orbit and keep them there forever!Continue reading “108. This is the end of Parental Alienation.”

006 It smells like…home.

In this episode, I look at one of the many ways you can use non-verbal communication to break through the emotional barriers created by parental alienation.

105 The Alienated Stepmom

Summary Want to learn how to get through to kids who are being brainwashed about you? Sign up for my FREE 3-part workshop October 27-29, 2021 called Reversing Parental Alienation. Go to bit.ly/alienationstrategy to register and don’t forget to join the private Facebook group just for this event! You can always reach me at info@essentialstepmom.com.Continue reading “105 The Alienated Stepmom”

What your therapist doesn’t ‘get’ about your family.

Summary Family Constellation Therapy was created by Bert Hellinger. My favourite book on this topic is by Jakob Schneider – it seems to be out of print but the Kindle edition is available here:https://www.amazon.com/Family-Constellations-Basic-Principles-Procedures-ebook/dp/B08LVN84JX Reach out to me for a link to watch my video on some specifics of how to start making a newContinue reading “What your therapist doesn’t ‘get’ about your family.”

Stepfamily Energetics (Part 3)

So, we’ve just started to dip our collective toe into the world of how masculine and feminine energies operate behind the scenes in our family dynamic. I talked a lot about masculine energy last week in Part Two so it’s time to unpack the feminine energy a bit now. There’s a lot more to feminine energy thanContinue reading “Stepfamily Energetics (Part 3)”

Stepfamily Energetics (Part 1)

“I know exactly what nail to hit now – the exact “tic” has been named so it’s given me a lot to understand and piece together”. This is one of the best bits of feedback I’ve ever gotten on my work! It’s from one of the survey forms I got back after a week ofContinue reading “Stepfamily Energetics (Part 1)”

Stepfamily Energetics (Part 2)

STEPFAMILY ENERGETICS PART TWO “It all feels so natural, nobody even notices what’s going on until the whole ship is listing badly and taking on water – and even then, they don’t understand what caused the problem.” This is where I left you last week. So, how does it look in real life, when masculine andContinue reading “Stepfamily Energetics (Part 2)”

Cracking Open The Codes

As a stepmom, you’re probably frustrated if you can’t understand, control or bond with your partner’s kids. That’s because you’ve been spending a lot of time and energy trying to mess with things that belong to the core operating system of the human experience: Mother. Security. Family. Heredity. Father. Home. Identity. Did you really thinkContinue reading “Cracking Open The Codes”

ESP 103 Nacho Role-play with Lori Sims (part 3)

Summary Lori Sims runs the Nacho Kids Academy – sign up with this link and she’ll send a portion of your fee right back here to support this podcast!Click here: https://nachokidsacademy.com/theessentialstepmom Sign up at bit.ly/tracysummit for the Ultimate Stepfamily Summit! — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/essentialstepmom/message Transcription

ESP 102: Nacho Role-play with Lori Sims (Part 2)

Summary Here’s a link to the episode with Lori’s husband David: https://anchor.fm/essentialstepmom/episodes/ESP-6-3-David-Sims—Pulling-it-out-of-the-fire-elkg5g I do a livestream video every Monday in my Facebook group The Spectacular Stepmom. Tomorrow’s session (Monday Sept 13) at 1pm EDT is called Bouncing Back From Stepmom Burnout – Before It’s Too Late. Join the group by sending a join request toContinue reading “ESP 102: Nacho Role-play with Lori Sims (Part 2)”

ESP 101: “Nacho” role-play with Lori Sims (part one)

Summary It’s a Nacho Role-play with Lori Sims, the original Nacho Mama! You can learn more at nachokids.com. Sign up for the Ultimate Stepfamily Summit (Sept 15-17) at bit.ly/tracysummit Would you be so kind as to pop over to Apple podcasts and leave a quick review? If you screenshot it and send it to meContinue reading “ESP 101: “Nacho” role-play with Lori Sims (part one)”

ESP 11.3 EPISODE 100! Part 3 of my chat with Seth Nelson about what really matters.

Summary Here are some highlights of today’s conversation with Seth Nelson: 1:10 – when Seth got divorced, the law required one parent was named the primary residential, the other was secondary. In the end, it’s all about your ego, it’s just a label. 5:25 – On frequency of visits, it’s often better to have moreContinue reading “ESP 11.3 EPISODE 100! Part 3 of my chat with Seth Nelson about what really matters.”

ESP 11.2 Attorney Seth Nelson: Should you settle for 60/40?

Summary This is part 2 of my 3-part conversation with Florida-based family law attorney Seth Nelson. Listen at 2:20 to hear Seth describe the the 3 worlds in which he lives as a divorce attorney, at 5:25 to learn about the many categories that courts consider (Factors A, B, C….all the way to Factor T!)Continue reading “ESP 11.2 Attorney Seth Nelson: Should you settle for 60/40?”

ESP 11.1 Divorce Attorney Seth Nelson

Summary “Live your life, not your divorce!” Seth’s podcast is called “How To Split A Toaster: A divorce podcast about saving your relationships”. Here’s a link to the show on Apple podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-split-a-toaster-a-divorce-podcast-about/id1527497405 You can contact Seth’s office in Tampa, Florida via his website, https://nelsonkoster.com Sign up for The Ultimate Stepmfamily Summit with my link toContinue reading “ESP 11.1 Divorce Attorney Seth Nelson”

ESP 11.1 Divorce Attorney Seth Nelson

ESP 10.6 Anna De Acosta in conversation

Summary Visit Anna’s website at https://annadeacosta.com. The Ultimate Stepfamily Summit is happening from September 15-17. It’s FREE! Sign up now at bit.ly/tracysummit to get my special bonus offer of lifetime access to my library of over 50 Livestream stepmom tutorial videos! You’ll never be at a loss for something to listen to again! — SendContinue reading “ESP 10.6 Anna De Acosta in conversation”

ESP 10.3 Boundaries: The Bricks and Mortar Edition.

Summary Want to know more about exactly how to make those boundaries you wish you had? Here are my top 5 tools for making better boundaries with your ex, your kids, even your spouse. I love hearing from you – let me know what you think about this, or just reach out to me anyContinue reading “ESP 10.3 Boundaries: The Bricks and Mortar Edition.”

ESP 9.5 Jeff Hoffman and Jack Rollins: Visible Man, the Discord Server

Summary “People sign up – we don’t know who they are unless they tell us.” Jeff Hoffman and Jack Rollins invite you to join their anonymous “Visible Man” Discord server with this link:https://discord.gg/vf9NTJ9TPz Men and women are welcome! Men will be subsequently enrolled in a private men-only room by voice verification. If you’d like toContinue reading “ESP 9.5 Jeff Hoffman and Jack Rollins: Visible Man, the Discord Server”

ESP 9.3 The Archives of Essential Stepmom Podcast

Summary Sorry for my podcast fail this week, but join me reading Amanda Ripley’s High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out. Here’s a link to order from Barnes and Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/high-conflict-amanda-ripley/1137938562 If you’re ready to address your deepest stepmom anxieties, or get to work on overcoming that post-divorce “parenting paralysis” thatContinue reading “ESP 9.3 The Archives of Essential Stepmom Podcast”

ESP 9.2 Q: “How do I merge the best parts of myself with my stepmom role?”

Summary This is an audio recording of a livestream on this topic from my Spectacular Stepmom facebook group. Not a member? Send a join request to THE SPECTACULAR STEPMOM Interested in booking a free coaching call with me? Go to bit.ly/CALLTRACY — Send in a voice message: https://anchor.fm/essentialstepmom/message Transcription

ESP 8.4 How to find the sweet spot of stepparenting!

The show I watched and adored is called Undone. You can find it on Amazon Prime. I’d love to hear from you! Email me at info@essentialstepmom.com. I’ll be live on my public Facebook page, @essentialstepmom from March 22-26 with 5 days of tips for staying in contact with kids who you can’t access. I’d loveContinue reading “ESP 8.4 How to find the sweet spot of stepparenting!”

ESP 8.3 Carly Israel says “Thanks, but no thanks!”

Summary You can find Carly at carlyisrael.com and her podcast is called In Your Corner Divorce. Her book, Seconds and Inches is available at Barnes and Noble, Amazon and Bookshop.org. Find more information about the Nacho Kids Academy at nachokidsacademy.com/theessentialstepmom. That’s the link that will let them know I sent you, so they can sponsorContinue reading “ESP 8.3 Carly Israel says “Thanks, but no thanks!””

ESP 8.2 Nurture Burnout with Anne Cullen

Nurture burnout can happen to anyone who cares a lot about the people they live with, or work with or share the planet with. It’s especially common in stepmoms, so if you ever feeling like you’re teetering on the edge of burnout, this episode is for you! I have something else for you – myContinue reading “ESP 8.2 Nurture Burnout with Anne Cullen”

ESP 8.1 The teenage stepdaughter with Mary T. Kelly

Mary Kelly is probably the most experienced therapist in America for stepfamilies and their kids with over 18 years of experience dealing with this family dynamic. She’s a regular contributor to Stepmom Magazine, HuffPost and other publications. Find her at realstepfamilies.com. Her Facebook page is Real Stepfamilies, Real Solutions and she’s on Instagram @realstepmoms. EmailContinue reading “ESP 8.1 The teenage stepdaughter with Mary T. Kelly”

You Can Stop Trying To Love Your Stepkids As Your Own

Let me be clear: I love my step kids very much. They add so much joy and light to my life I can’t imagine where I would be without them. However, I don’t love them as though they were my kids and I were their mother. I’m NOT their mother. Not only that, but IContinue reading “You Can Stop Trying To Love Your Stepkids As Your Own”

The Road To “I’ve Got This!”

This is about getting to where you feel like you know what you’re doing, where things are starting to come more easily, where you feel relaxed and confident about step-parenting. Remember how you felt when you learned to ride a bike? You probably started off with training wheels, or with someone holding the seat andContinue reading “The Road To “I’ve Got This!””

Burning out, stepmom? Come over to my house.

Remember the 3 Little Pigs? Of course you do. We all grew up learning why we should mock the one who decides to build his house out of straw, but let’s be honest, it’s totes the easiest, fastest way to put a roof over your head! Then there’s the little guy who goes for aContinue reading “Burning out, stepmom? Come over to my house.”

A Walk For All Reasons

Part One If you don’t already love to walk, I think that you should learn to love it. Going for a walk outside together, whether in the city or the countryside, is a wonderful bonding activity and will help you have a positive impact on a child in your life. Most kids today are wayContinue reading “A Walk For All Reasons”

Sh!t Happens; Resentment Festers

But There’s A Cure! Let’s face it, being angry or sad or disappointed is no fun. On the other hand, life would be pretty boring if nothing ever prompted you to assert yourself or create boundaries or if every person and situation completely satisfied your expectations. Anger, sadness and disappointment are common words for ways we feel when things don’tContinue reading “Sh!t Happens; Resentment Festers”

She’d have to work-like-a-mother to pull this off!

Hey, dads – listen up. One of the most common conflicts I hear in second marriages with kids goes like this: “My husband/boyfriend wants me to be a ‘mother figure’ for his kids. I keep reading that it’s not the right approach but he doesn’t understand and I whenever I try to talk to himContinue reading “She’d have to work-like-a-mother to pull this off!”

Random Acts Of Kindness | Stepmom Challenge

Last week, I had one of those cool experiences that just makes you smile for the whole day. I came up a dollar short at the store on a day that I only had cash with me and no cards to cover it. This smiling girl at the next check out held out her hand andContinue reading “Random Acts Of Kindness | Stepmom Challenge”

Peer Support Is Great, But Where Is Your Stepmom Advice Coming From?

Scrolling through my social media feed one day recently, one particular post caught my eye. It wasn’t in a stepmom group, but a regular parenting forum for women trying to learn how to parent in a kinder, gentler, more enlightened way than the way they might have been raised themselves. I think it’s awesome thatContinue reading “Peer Support Is Great, But Where Is Your Stepmom Advice Coming From?”

Your Parenting Style Matters – Here’s Why.

What I keep seeing is stepmom burn-out. Literally, these wives and girlfriends are becoming so exhausted and feeling so hopeless, they don’t know how much longer they can go on. What is it about blended family life that can suck a woman dry in mere months? Tracy Poizner Remember the 3 Little Pigs? Of courseContinue reading “Your Parenting Style Matters – Here’s Why.”

What If The Bio Mama Is Gone Forever?

What if your step kids’ mother is deceased, or completely out of the picture for reasons such as mental illness, heavy drug use or prison? What do you have to do differently as a stepmom? My opinion is that it’s more important to underline what you should be doing that’s just the same as inContinue reading “What If The Bio Mama Is Gone Forever?”

Let’s Design Your Stepmom Dream Team!

Yes, you deserve a posse of girls to stand around you, just like in this image: women who have your back, who give you courage and cheer you on in your toughest times. You might think everyone has a tribe except for you, but most of us create one for ourselves. Let’s talk about howContinue reading “Let’s Design Your Stepmom Dream Team!”

I Wish Mom And Dad Were Still Together

These are words that can strike at the heart of a stepmother so it’s important to understand what kids really mean when they say this. If you have lost one of your own parents, you might sometimes feel like saying “I wish dad were still around. I really miss him”. I think you know whatContinue reading “I Wish Mom And Dad Were Still Together”

Is your partner struggling with guilty parent syndrome? Here’s help in 3 easy steps

What I want you and your spouse to know is that guilty parenting is not a crime. If you feel guilty about having caused some suffering, it’s a sign that you’re a good person, it means you have empathy! Guilt is actually a healthy emotion, it’s supposed to help you modify your behaviour. It pushesContinue reading “Is your partner struggling with guilty parent syndrome? Here’s help in 3 easy steps”

Is Meditation Too Woo-woo For You?

You can still increase your awareness and benefit your step-parenting journey without sitting cross-legged or closing your eyes. I’m a huge fan of meditation. It brought me to where I was ready to find a new partner 6 years after separating from my first husband. Strictly speaking, it allowed me to see him right inContinue reading “Is Meditation Too Woo-woo For You?”

I Hate Calling Myself A “Stepmom”!

I have been a “stepmom” for 12 years now, having already been the regular, normal, default kind of mom for some years before that wretched title was foist upon me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life with my husband’s kids. I just hate having to call myself somebody’s “stepmom”. For the years beforeContinue reading “I Hate Calling Myself A “Stepmom”!”

If You’re A Stepmom, There’s ONE Ingredient Your Cooking Is Missing

How does it feel when your stepchild doesn’t want to eat what you make? At very least, you probably feel irritated. You spent a lot of time shopping with them in mind and cooking what you think they will like. It’s hard not to take it personally, so you might even feel rejected, insulted, disrespected. If saying noContinue reading “If You’re A Stepmom, There’s ONE Ingredient Your Cooking Is Missing”

How to Have Good Boundaries | Stepmom Wellness

As a stepmom, you probably often feel that your boundaries are being challenged, if not actually stomped on! Between the step-kids, your partner and the bio-mom, your ability to feel grounded and confident in your own home gets constantly tested. Boundaries can be personal, emotional or energetic. Here are 3 basic situations: Too much ofContinue reading “How to Have Good Boundaries | Stepmom Wellness”

Hold Your First Family Meeting!

Maybe convening a family meeting sounds like as much fun as joining a Polar Bear swim on New Years’ Day, but if you do it right, it can be something everyone actually looks forward to. It also serves as a great way to accomplish a lot of crucial goals for your family: It makes rulesContinue reading “Hold Your First Family Meeting!”

Can you be a good stepmom if you don’t like kids?

Here’s what I think: the only opinion that matters about whether or not you are a good stepmom is the child’s. He or she is the only one who gets to weigh in on that. Not your partner, or his ex, or his parents or anybody else who wants to judge what you are doing. Let meContinue reading “Can you be a good stepmom if you don’t like kids?”

A Stepmom’s Letter to Santa

Dear Santa, Remember, a while back, I asked for someone to share a loving relationship with? At the time, it was the most important thing in the world to me. I thought if I could just have that one thing – a partner – my life would be perfect. Well, you came through, and ifContinue reading “A Stepmom’s Letter to Santa”

6 Ways To Be A Stepmother Who Is Not A Mom

My personal approach to the role of stepmother is to avoid behaving like a “mom”. There could be good reasons to do otherwise, but for most of us I think this is the best policy and here is why: I’m pretty sure that females of all species are hardwired to scratch out the eyeballs ofContinue reading “6 Ways To Be A Stepmother Who Is Not A Mom”

5 Surprising Reasons It’s A Bad Idea To Love Your Stepkids As Your Own

Let me be clear: I love my step kids very much. They add joy and light to my life and I truly can’t imagine living without them. However, I don’t love them like they’re my kids, or like I’m their mother. I’m NOT their mother. I actually have a daughter of my own who wouldContinue reading “5 Surprising Reasons It’s A Bad Idea To Love Your Stepkids As Your Own”

2 Bedrooms, 2 Bosses. It Just Bites.

Imagine, if you will, that you work in an office where as part of the normal workflow you must work every other week at a different location. You pack up all your stuff – you might even need to put it in a large briefcase on wheels – and go to another desk in anotherContinue reading “2 Bedrooms, 2 Bosses. It Just Bites.”

We Should Think More About Things That Don’t Matter

Why is it so hard to keep our priorities straight? We think we’re focused on what matters, but in an instant, the universe can show us that we had it all wrong. We know what’s really important, but we insist on building other things up to be important as if we need to be surroundedContinue reading “We Should Think More About Things That Don’t Matter”

Yes, you can de-stress in just 2 minutes, and there’s no better time to learn how!

Suddenly, you find yourself being the teacher, babysitter, and all around domestic goddess of “pandemic-quarantine central”. No playdates, no playgrounds, no activities and no rest for you. You need to become a ninja of self-care! Your mental health is more important to how your kids get through this time (and how your marriage thrives throughContinue reading “Yes, you can de-stress in just 2 minutes, and there’s no better time to learn how!”

The Four-Minute Stepfamily

Roger Bannister, a mild-mannered medical student and middle distance runner was the first human being to run a mile in under 4 minutes. This milestone (pardon the pun) was a very, very big deal when it happened on May 6, 1954. Every serious runner in the world had been trying to do it for almostContinue reading “The Four-Minute Stepfamily”

Step-Parent S.O.S: Find Your Phone Buddy!

This might be the most important thing you read today. #Wouldn’t it be nice to talk to someone who understands what you are going through in your stepfamily day-to-day? It would be so great to feel like you’re not alone, like some of this cray-cray might actually be normal… There’s someone out there who feelsContinue reading “Step-Parent S.O.S: Find Your Phone Buddy!”

Start Thinking Smaller.

It’s not just the antidote to overwhelm, it’s the answer to most of your stepmom problems. There are only two reactions to overwhelm. You either become paralyzed or you spin your wheels. If you’re one of those people who find that being overwhelmed makes you more productive, it’s not really overwhelm, it’s more like challenge.Continue reading “Start Thinking Smaller.”

3 Common Misconceptions About Parental Alienation

This is the situation divorced parents fear more than any other (OK, maybe next to child support payments that empty your bank account!). If you are determined to put the needs of your kids first, it’s very hard to see them being held hostage by your angry ex. It feels like a really helpless, hopeless predicament but it’sContinue reading “3 Common Misconceptions About Parental Alienation”