|STEPFAMILY ENERGETICS PART TWO|
“It all feels so natural, nobody even notices what’s going on until
the whole ship is listing badly and taking on water – and even then,
they don’t understand what caused the problem.”
This is where I left you last week.
So, how does it look in real life, when masculine and feminine energies become so unbalanced in your step-couple relationship?
Let me share what my clients have expressed after working with me, in their own words:
“Me running the house is masculine energy which is why I’m always tired
and one of the reasons he doesn’t like being at home…”
“My sisters and mom and I all joke about how we can do everything
ourselves and can’t rely on men to get it done for us as we’re just disappointed.
So when Tracy read that my energy was more masculine and I was used
to getting stuff done, I just chuckled as I’ve known it’s true for years,
but also why I’ve noticed us women attracting weaker energetic partners.
It’s something I’ve often felt resentful about when I’ve felt like my husband
had this ‘can’t do anything about it’ victim energy about tough situations,
which has in turn, made me feel more forceful and pushy. It was pretty
amazing to hear Tracy able to pick up on that.”
Can you see a version of this in your own family?
It’s crystal clear to me how the feminine often responds to an unknown – like this brand new step-family dynamic – with a survival reflex of “hyper-efficiency”.
She thinks her survival depends on her ability to get it all done, to “fix” whatever’s broken – even if that means she has to “fix” the masculine himself,
for his own good.
Let me tell you something now: if you look up the word “fix”, you won’t find any reference to repairing or restoring something.
Fix actually means “to secure or fasten in place”.
Yup. In trying to “fix” the masculine, you’re actually pinning him down like a frog on a dissecting board!
No wonder he looks paralyzed.
And, the better you get at doing it all, the more he can’t make a single move to help.
Besides, the true masculine does not desire to be anyone’s “helper”.
He doesn’t want to help, he wants to LEAD!
So, how can you get off this hamster-wheel of misery?
You have to do the most un-natural thing you can possibly think of.
Take the push-pins out and back off – with pure love.
Stay out of his lane.
Acknowledge that the way he raises his kids is none of your business.
He gets to mess up. Royally, if need be.
Without you saying a single mother-loving word about it.
He has the right to learn to do it by himself, in dignity.
I’ll bet as you read this, you’re already sensing how hard it will be to stay in your feminine energy while he tries his hand at being the leader before you think he’s ready.
Here’s the way another client puts it:
“I need to give him the opportunity to step up and lead,
even if I don’t like or agree with how he
decides (or not) to do things.”
The more your spouse embodies his true masculine energy, the better parent and partner he’ll become and the more calm and full of love your whole family will be.
I’m ready to drop the codes you need to bring this dream into reality. Hit reply to this email if you want to reserve a coaching spot.
#stayinyourlane #energywork #familydynamics