As a stepmom, you probably often feel that your boundaries are being challenged, if not actually stomped on! Between the step-kids, your partner and the bio-mom, your ability to feel grounded and confident in your own home gets constantly tested. Boundaries can be personal, emotional or energetic. Here are 3 basic situations:
- Too much of you leaking out. It’s hard to keep your energy from draining away. You easily over-give or find it hard to say no. It’s like you can’t plug the holes in your borders.
- Too much outside getting in. You can’t protect yourself from outside influences. Others are able to hurt you too readily, and you might find that you easily feel the emotions of other people or even their physical pains. You need a kind of shield or cape to protect you from the outside.
- Both of these can be happening at once. Having weak boundaries makes it hard to stand up for yourself. This problem can show up physically as a weak immune system. Immunity is what protects us from invading germs, viruses, bacteria, etc.
Rituals are practical ways to reinforce good boundaries. Rituals are used in every culture and religion to purify our external and internal environment. Choose whatever feels good to you and make it as personal as possible so it will have meaning for you.
Insist on having some private space. You can make it emotionally and spiritually beautiful by including whatever feels good for you like art, music, nice smells, lighting, etc. It’s good to have a physical reminder that your boundaries are important and this place helps you to nurture them.
Take time away for yourself doing something or being with people who nourish you and help you renew and get perspective. This can even be a way to gently detoxify from negative energy in your home or family.
The practice I recommend most because it works so quickly is doing a Gratitude Journal. The energy of gratitude will raise your overall vibration, and when you resonate at a higher frequency, you are less susceptible to harm from negative energy. You might have already noticed that when you feel really excited and joyful, you’re less interested in pettiness, gossip, immaturity or drama.
Disengaging doesn’t have to be physical, it can be a mostly emotional activity. Remind yourself from time to time to keep the right boundary between yourself and others – especially your stepchildren. There was a healthy boundary there once, and you might have dissolved it yourself! You can put it back with your mindful attention and everyone will feel better.
We’re supposed to have a slightly negative charge to our body energy field, not unlike the slightly alkaline (negative) pH of our body fluids. The best way to reset that good charge is to do grounding activities. Walking is great (especially in bare feet if it’s possible where you live) and gardening is also very grounding because we put our hands in the soil. Another great way to ground is to take a bath with Epsom Salts, which you can buy at any pharmacy.
Bach remedies are simple flower essences that work to balance our emotions. The best-known one is a blend called Rescue Remedy, but there are 38 of these and 2 stand out for making better boundaries. Centaury is helpful for people who are too easily influenced by a stronger personality and find it hard to assert themselves or to say no when they really wish they could. Aspen is for very sensitive individuals who just feel too open to everything outside themselves. They feel they can be hurt at any moment because they don’t have enough protection from inside.
Finally, the essential oil of clove is known as the oil of boundaries! Interestingly, it is one of the ingredients in the amazing immune support blend called OnGuard (or a similar blend known as Thieves). As I said before, our immune system is the part of us that is most connected to our boundaries because its job is to protect us from outside invaders. Essential oils are for external use only unless you’re being advised by a qualified practitioner. You can diffuse them or dilute and rub them on your feet, behind your neck or right on the top of your head!
All the above information is for educational purposes only. If you would like help getting started with your gratitude journal, I have made a little template to get you going. You can request it here: