Back when I was married the first time – well, near the end of when I was married the first time, I was struggling to figure out how to take my life back and separate myself from the father of my child. Getting divorced was something so totally outside my universe, I had no idea where to begin. I had no models – my parents were happily married, as were pretty much all my relatives and the parents of my friends. True to my personality, I was stubbornly determined to do it all on my own.
I didn’t know the first thing about the emotional train-wreck I had become. I didn’t recognize myself, but still I soldiered on according to my philosophy of coping: suck it up or figure it out.
And then one day I literally collapsed onto the ground and dug my hands into the soil near a small tree in my garden, begging the universe to help me out. I would surrender control, if the universe would just pick up the slack. And my dream team – my tribe – soon materialized.
I say it materialized, but it didn’t happen all by itself. I had to say out loud: “I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this by myself”. That was the hardest part, actually. Once I realized I needed a tribe, I could see who I needed to be on it and look for them.
I had friends who were just waiting to help me, as it turned out. I thought they were going to be disappointed in me because I was giving up on my marriage, or because I was outing myself as weak, a phony, a poser – what was that all about? They were literally lined up to help me, they just didn’t know how until I reached out and asked.
First I found a meditation teacher, who offered to teach me at no charge. I found a therapist. One of my friends recommended her divorce mediator – of course I had friends who had gone through this, I just couldn’t connect the dots while I was in “don’t ask don’t tell” mode.
My parents had a good lady lawyer in their wide circle of acquaintance. My daughter’s friends’ moms and dads helped out with rides and overnights. My neighbours sold me their awesome used car at a great price. (I drove that car for 10 years, by the way). The bank manager who took care of the car loan offered to consolidate all my debt into a new mortgage. A friend taught me to do body sugaring so I could work for her part time and make extra money. I rented a room in my house to a total stranger who turned into a real friend that did free home renovations for me.
The list goes on and on.
I promise you that you have people in your life who will be part of your dream team if you ask them. Here’s where to look:
- What do you need help with that you could put out to the universe?
☐ Parenting tips
☐ Babysitting help
☐ Marriage advice
☐ Self confidence
☐ Legal advice
☐ Living space
☐ Organizing or tidying or simplifying
☐ Saving money, or spending better
2. Who do you know already that might help if you asked them?
☐ Your family – parents, siblings, aunts/uncles, grandparents, nieces or nephews
☐ Your partner’s family – your in-laws
☐ Work colleagues
☐ Parents of the kids’ friends
3.Who could you meet, or get to know better?
☐ Friends of friends
☐ Do you go to the gym, to a group class, to a book club?
☐ Try out a new faith community?
☐ Community centre
☐ Referrals from friends or family for professionals
☐ Online connections – like online dating, just contact someone and try it out!
☐ Is there a local stepmom group? Can you start one?
4. Finding professionals:
☐ Legal help – find inexpensive unlimited phone advice here: wearelegalshield.com
☐ Pastoral counselling, local mental health services
☐ Personal trainer, life coach, stepmom mentor
☐ Check out podcasts in whatever interests you – great advice cheap
☐ Group coaching from experts is a cheap way to get help – Nacho kids, susan stiffelman
☐ Who do you know that meditates?
☐ Who might join you to walk, jog, bike, do yoga?
☐ What do you love to do? Anything creative? Who would join you in doing that?
☐ Could you share meals with someone? Make stuff to freeze together?
☐ Do you schedule time to be with friends? Book it in, now!
I have some news for you. You don’t have to look far for tribe. Someone has already looked around for them, vetted than and put them on a silver platter for you. Kristen Skiles who blogs at stepmomming.com . has assembled her own dream team of stepmom supporters, people who have successfully passed her personal bullshit meter for stepmom advice, and I’m super glad to be counted among them! We all agreed to provide a resource for her to include in a bundle of stuff she sells in a flash sale for a few days each year. She calls it The Successful Stepmom’s Toolbelt, but it might as well be called Every Stepmom’s Dream Team.
- I’m there with a course about learning how to do better at discipline for your step kids.
- Kristen is there herself with a checklist for preparing a custody order or parenting plan, and a 50-page binder of everything you need to get your house de-cluttered and calmly organized.
- Naja Hall is there with you in her VIP stepmom group for 3 months – if you don’t know her, you have to check her out, this membership program is incredible and you get 3 months free!
- Erin Careless is there to provide an hour of one on one coaching, not now, but right when you need it.
- Laura Petherbridge, the Smart Stepmom is there with her guide to starting your own stepmom support group !
- Ali Wilks of stepcoupling.com is there to help you work on your marriage, and Michael and lynne Pompeo are there to teach you their secrets to better co-parenting with the bio-mom.
I’m not even half-way through, folks…
THIS is your tribe. We are your stepmom dream-team.
We’re just waiting for you to ask, and we’ll stick around until you do. You basically have us all in your pocket forever!
This is so worth the $99 bucks, I can’t even begin. You can save this much by skipping your next eyelash fill or cutting back on Starbucks. You can save this in one month on your groceries with the book Dinner for a Dollar that we talked about on a live last year some time – guaranteed. Find a way to give yourself this resource and use it.
Here’s the link, and it’s ONLY available on this FLASH SALE until midnight, Sunday October 13th so you don’t have time to talk yourself out of getting all the help you need to absolutely rock your stepmom world.
CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE and to get this package before it disappears!